It’s been a rough couple days for me. I need melatonin to sleep and even then cannot sleep through the night. Work has been exhausting when I normally am indifferent toward it. Memories from my childhood have now crept into my daily thoughts. I’m honestly struggling right now. Today is my first day off since last Wednesday and all I will be doing today is listening to music and taking naps. I don’t have the mental energy to do much else. I’m really not with the bullshit today. To keep myself from completely losing it, I have to write these feelings out. It’s the only way I can process it. I am trying to understand what keeps people going. What the fuck about this shitstorm of a world makes people want to stay? What is it, because I’m having a hard time figuring this out? I’ve had these feelings before, but it feels different now. When I felt this way before, it didn’t help that I was also in an abusive environment at home and at work. I am not in either of those environments now and up until recently, I’ve been feeling pretty content. I don’t really know what happened. It’s like when you see a balloon deflate but cannot figure out where the hole is.
Frankly, the only thing keeping me sane is listening to music and writing, so here I am. I am so used to bottling up my emotions and hiding my feelings that writing has really been the only way I can express myself. I sometimes feel like I cannot trust anyone thanks to people betraying my trust in the past. I hate that shit. I fucking hate it. I feel very lonely. It sucks because sometimes all I want is to connect with someone, but I always have to keep my guard up because I don’t know when they will turn on me. I think I have one person who I can be honest with and she is going through her own shit right now so, yeah. I love being able to write out my feelings, but I do wish I had someone to talk to.
Olivia Rodrigo burst onto the music scene with her debut album Sour. Fresh off the most recent season of High School Musical: The Series, Olivia caught everyone’s attention with the lead single, “Driver’s License”. The song became a hit on Tik Tok and that blasted Olivia to superstardom.
When I first sat down to listen to the album, I didn’t know what to expect. I’m certainly not the target demographic for Olivia’s album, but I found myself really getting into the songs. Olivia had also recently followed up the success of “Driver’s License” with the Paramore inspired pop/rock smash “Good 4 U”. That song is phenomenal.
Olivia credited Taylor Swift as one of her inspirations when making this album, and I definitely see it. The pop/rock feel of “Good 4 U” is followed by a soft ballad “enough for you”, which is another one of my favorites from the album.
Overall, I give this album, 5 stars. It is good from start to finish. My favorite tracks are: “Good 4 U”, “1 step forward, 3 steps back”, “deja vu”, “happier”, “enough for you”, and “jealousy, jealousy”.
Olivia had a great debut, and I look forward to what else she has to offer. She is definitely a star on the rise.
Watch Olivia’s MTV Video Music Awards performance of “Good 4 U” below
I finished a book I was reading today. it was Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi. I’m not sure if I will start my next book later this week or on the 1st of October.
I’ve been very anxious lately, questioning my life and trying to figure out what I want. I thought I was content, dare I say, complacent, with where I am at, but lately, I’ve been feeling restless. I don’t know what is up. I’ve discussed some things with close family members, but I know, whatever I decide is completely up to me.
On the hobbies front, I’m still coding in Python. I even set up a Github page.
Ya’ll know how much I love Chloe x Halle. Well, Chloe just released her first solo single, ‘Have Mercy’ and boy oh boy she did not disappoint!! Don’t worry though, Chloe x Halle ARE still a group and will be putting out new music soon 😊. So, if you haven’t seen Chloe’s new video, I’ve linked it below.