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Parts Unknown: Anthony Bourdain and Me

I am 26 years old today. I woke up at 8 am EST, to get ready for work. I turned on the television and a breaking news segment appeared. Celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain’s face filled the screen. The words came out too quick, Bourdain had died by apparent suicide in a Paris hotel. He was 61 years old. This just three days after fashion designer Kate Spade died by suicide. The Center for Disease Control also released a report this past week saying that suicide rates have increased more than 30% between 1999 to 2016. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S. and is one of just three leading causes that are on the rise. Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade were just two celebrities who have died by suicide in recent years. The list includes Chester Bennington, Dave Mira, Robin Williams, Lee Thompson Young, Don Cornelius, and Chris Lighty. It goes to show fame does not make one immune to suicide or mental health issues.

I am 26 years old today and I did not think I’d be here. Suicide has been a persistent thought for the past few years. When I started this blog back in 2013 I had just come out of a dark period. I was unsure of what I wanted to do with my life and felt pressured to make a decision that everyone would be happy with. I felt as if I was just going through the motions and not really living. Seeking treatment had crossed my mind at the time, but the stigma surrounding mental health and worry about how others would feel, kept me silent. I poured my heart into my journal and on here, put a brave face on for the world, and kept going. I was not even happy, I just plastered on a smile and tried to make sure everyone else was happy even though I was miserable. By 2015, I had a plan for how I was going to die. Things had been up and down to that point and I was tired. I felt alone and that no one cared or understood. I could not talk to my family and I did not want to burden my friends with how I was feeling. I did not go through with my plan.

I am 26 years old today and I woke up to the news that Anthony Bourdain died by suicide. It is 2018, and people are still dying by suicide. People are still worried about how they will be treated once they disclose that they struggle with suicidal thoughts and depression. There is still stigma and fear. I am 26 years old today and I have come a long way, but I know I still have far to go. May the families of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain find some peace. If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, reach out to the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text TALK to 741-741 to reach Crisis Text Line.

12 thoughts on “Parts Unknown: Anthony Bourdain and Me”

  1. A little late but happy birthday! I know life can be hard but I hope you find true happiness and have many more happy birthdays to come. Brave subject to write about, keep up the good work x

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    1. Thank you so much for reading. Anthony’s death really shocked me. I believe if he had the opportunity to speak more on his struggles, he would still be here. As for everyone else, it is important for us to tell our stories so that others do not feel so alone.

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  2. Happy belated birthday dear. May you grow stronger and wiser each day and may you be given all the patience to go on each and every trial and obstacles that you’re facing or will be facing in life now… no matter what happens, if ever you feel like there’s no one who will understand you or if you feel ashame to share about your problems, look up and talk to God, he is the all listener and he may not respond to you in the way you want but he will always be there… i was one of those who almost commit suicide when I was 14years old. But then, when I realise the purpose God has put me in this world, those thoughts never came back and I’m 30 this year.. When someone say there’s a lot of things you can still do, trust them. You take care my dear. Love from Singapore.

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  3. Happy Birthday, may you grow and old and happy! The news of A.B’s death floored me on Friday, a feeling of deep sadness took over and brought back the memories of when my mother committed suicide when I was 9, even after all these years I am still not immune. Stay strong!

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  5. I just heard about his death. He had a nice show, and seemed like a good guy. I have been in that very dark place a few times myself, and it does seem as if you will be there forever. It is tragic that he was in so much pain, he felt it the only solution. I am glad you have stayed with us.

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    1. Thanks for reading Alice. I have my good and bad days. Anthony’s death shocked me because it was so unexpected. I watched his shows and was enamored with his travels. He went to places many people would not dare go, to showcase not only the food, but the people who inhabited those places everyday. The pain is invisible and it can be hard to reach out for help especially if you have reached out in the past and been invalidated. Even people who seem to have it all, are hurting and worried about seeking help.

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