Dealing with Writing Insecurity

Dealing with Writing Insecurity

So, I have had this blog for 8 years. There have been times where I felt more comfortable posting my opinions on here versus anywhere else. I have talked about politics, music, television, mental health, and so much more. Yet, for some reason, I’m starting to feel insecure with what I write. I’ve always been a quiet person, and writing has allowed me to express myself especially during times where I couldn’t in real life. This blog and my personal journal have been a saving grace when I needed it. I have dealt with writer’s block in the past and I wasn’t active on this blog for some time because life got in the way as well. As I come back to the blogging world, I’m feeling a bit insecure. I’m feeling like my opinion does not matter. Not so much matter like change the world with my words, but matter in the sense that I have a right to have an opinion at all. Before I started my blog, the only time i would share my opinion on anything was when I was writing in my personal journal. I did not grow up in a household where speaking my mind was allowed. I poured all my emotions into my journal because that was the only place I had where I could truly express myself.

I grew up during the start of social media. I remember when I first made my Myspace page. I enjoyed Myspace even though my parents made sure they had access to my page. When Facebook started popping off, I got on there too, but the same caveat, my parents monitored my page. When I say monitored, I mean, they made sure they were on my friends list, so anytime i would post something, they could see it. So again, even though I was on social media, I still couldn’t truly express myself. Then Twitter came along. I joined Twitter in 2011 at 19. My parents couldn’t oversee my Twitter because I had the app, not the desktop version. It was on my phone, which I did not allow them access to. At that time, my phone was the only material item I had complete control over. I’ll admit, I was pretty wild on Twitter in my early days. As I have mentioned numerous times, I started this blog in 2013, so I was on Twitter for a good 2 years before I came to the blogging world. I’m still on Twitter now. Twitter was where I could really let loose. Nobody knew me, so I could say what I wanted without fear or worry. I could finally speak my mind. Twitter became my safe space. I then started my blog and that opened up more of a space for me to speak my mind. Many of my earlier posts on here are simple musings of how I felt at time with other posts mixed in. The purpose of my blog has always been to share my view of the world with a bunch of strangers since the people in my real life didn’t give two fucks about what I felt or had to say. So, I had Twitter, this blog, and my personal journal to express all my feelings.

Twitter, this blog, and my personal journal really gave me the space I needed to express how I felt as I was going through such difficult times. I still love Twitter. I still love this blog. I still write in my journal. However, I feel like I shouldn’t be writing. I don’t know how to describe this feeling. It’s like imposter syndrome mixed with writer’s block mixed with depression?? Lately, when I try to sit down and write a post, it feels daunting. For example, I wanted to do a political post where I update everyone on my political stance and share some other insightful things, but when I sat down to start typing, I stopped. I just couldn’t type anything. I started thinking about whether I should even be writing about that even though I have written political posts before. I thought about how so much has changed in my personal political views and how I didn’t want to offend anyone, but also that I couldn’t hold my feelings in either. I was caught between a rock and a hard place in a way. I want to be free to express myself and all that I learn, which has always been the purpose of my blog, but I also have the innate need to be liked. I don’t want to piss anyone off, but then again I don’t want to care so much about how others view me. I don’t know.

Most likely, I will eventually write that post. I will probably be writing a lot of posts that shine a light on how I’ve changed over the last few years. The feelings I have right now, I am just going to feel them. Its valid, I know. It’s strange. Absolutely. I’m going to keep trucking. Writing this actually helped. I think reiterating why I started this blog and going back over my time as a sheltered, controlled teen, who couldn’t express myself, is helping me see how import my writing is, not to others, but to myself. As I mentioned earlier, when I could not express myself in real life, I went to my blog, my personal journal, and Twitter. I didn’t care who read it. I didn’t worry about offending anyone, I just wrote. I need to get that feeling back, but I don’t know how. How do I get back to writing and not caring how its perceived?? How do i get back to writing freely without mincing words? I don’t have answers for these questions right now. I hope I can regain that spark. We will just have to see, I guess.

6 thoughts on “Dealing with Writing Insecurity

  1. First, I have to say that it’s so odd how many of us (no matter our age) have similar reasons for blogging, to be heard because we used to not be heard.

    With that said, I think your blockage comes from everything you’ve mentioned, plus maybe the current climate. People are more readily popping off on strangers, even on the blog, so it can cause writers to be hesitant. You’ll return when you’re ready 😉

    Like

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