I’m still in a bit of a down spell, so this post won’t be too long. I’m bored on my day off so I’m been going down a throwback music rabbit hole. Here is some of the songs I’ve been bopping to:
So, I have had this blog for 8 years. There have been times where I felt more comfortable posting my opinions on here versus anywhere else. I have talked about politics, music, television, mental health, and so much more. Yet, for some reason, I’m starting to feel insecure with what I write. I’ve always been a quiet person, and writing has allowed me to express myself especially during times where I couldn’t in real life. This blog and my personal journal have been a saving grace when I needed it. I have dealt with writer’s block in the past and I wasn’t active on this blog for some time because life got in the way as well. As I come back to the blogging world, I’m feeling a bit insecure. I’m feeling like my opinion does not matter. Not so much matter like change the world with my words, but matter in the sense that I have a right to have an opinion at all. Before I started my blog, the only time i would share my opinion on anything was when I was writing in my personal journal. I did not grow up in a household where speaking my mind was allowed. I poured all my emotions into my journal because that was the only place I had where I could truly express myself.
I grew up during the start of social media. I remember when I first made my Myspace page. I enjoyed Myspace even though my parents made sure they had access to my page. When Facebook started popping off, I got on there too, but the same caveat, my parents monitored my page. When I say monitored, I mean, they made sure they were on my friends list, so anytime i would post something, they could see it. So again, even though I was on social media, I still couldn’t truly express myself. Then Twitter came along. I joined Twitter in 2011 at 19. My parents couldn’t oversee my Twitter because I had the app, not the desktop version. It was on my phone, which I did not allow them access to. At that time, my phone was the only material item I had complete control over. I’ll admit, I was pretty wild on Twitter in my early days. As I have mentioned numerous times, I started this blog in 2013, so I was on Twitter for a good 2 years before I came to the blogging world. I’m still on Twitter now. Twitter was where I could really let loose. Nobody knew me, so I could say what I wanted without fear or worry. I could finally speak my mind. Twitter became my safe space. I then started my blog and that opened up more of a space for me to speak my mind. Many of my earlier posts on here are simple musings of how I felt at time with other posts mixed in. The purpose of my blog has always been to share my view of the world with a bunch of strangers since the people in my real life didn’t give two fucks about what I felt or had to say. So, I had Twitter, this blog, and my personal journal to express all my feelings.
Twitter, this blog, and my personal journal really gave me the space I needed to express how I felt as I was going through such difficult times. I still love Twitter. I still love this blog. I still write in my journal. However, I feel like I shouldn’t be writing. I don’t know how to describe this feeling. It’s like imposter syndrome mixed with writer’s block mixed with depression?? Lately, when I try to sit down and write a post, it feels daunting. For example, I wanted to do a political post where I update everyone on my political stance and share some other insightful things, but when I sat down to start typing, I stopped. I just couldn’t type anything. I started thinking about whether I should even be writing about that even though I have written political posts before. I thought about how so much has changed in my personal political views and how I didn’t want to offend anyone, but also that I couldn’t hold my feelings in either. I was caught between a rock and a hard place in a way. I want to be free to express myself and all that I learn, which has always been the purpose of my blog, but I also have the innate need to be liked. I don’t want to piss anyone off, but then again I don’t want to care so much about how others view me. I don’t know.
Most likely, I will eventually write that post. I will probably be writing a lot of posts that shine a light on how I’ve changed over the last few years. The feelings I have right now, I am just going to feel them. Its valid, I know. It’s strange. Absolutely. I’m going to keep trucking. Writing this actually helped. I think reiterating why I started this blog and going back over my time as a sheltered, controlled teen, who couldn’t express myself, is helping me see how import my writing is, not to others, but to myself. As I mentioned earlier, when I could not express myself in real life, I went to my blog, my personal journal, and Twitter. I didn’t care who read it. I didn’t worry about offending anyone, I just wrote. I need to get that feeling back, but I don’t know how. How do I get back to writing and not caring how its perceived?? How do i get back to writing freely without mincing words? I don’t have answers for these questions right now. I hope I can regain that spark. We will just have to see, I guess.
Doja Cat released her third studio album Planet HER a few weeks ago. I have been listening to Doja for only about a year and a half or so, Hot Pink was one of my favorite albums of 2019, so I was excited when she announced her third album was on the way. When I listen to an album for the first time, I listen all the way through, then I give the album a preliminary score. When I go back to listen a second and third time, is when I build out my song rankings and give it a final score.
Planet HER is a good album. My preliminary score was 9/10. The album has 14 songs. Doja put out a deluxe version a few days later that includes 3 new songs, I listened to it, but I’m not including them in my rankings or final review.
- I Don’t Do Drugs ft. Ariana Grande
- Options ft. JID
- Love to Dream
- You Right ft. The Weekend
- Ain’t Shit
- Kiss Me More ft. SZA
- Payday ft. Yung Thug
- Been Like This
- Need to Know
- Get Into It(YUH)
I’m keeping the score at 9/10. I really loved the Ariana Grande feature. Ariana has been bodying her features lately. Planet HER is certainly going to be on my year end music review list. Doja did really well with this project. I’m excited to see the live performances of some of these songs. You can listen to Planet HER on all streaming platforms
Ok, so I will admit that I am lowkey addicted to Twitter, however, lately, I’ve been getting tired of it.
I’ve been on twitter since 2011 and of course the site has changed a lot in the last decade. Twitter has allowed everyone to share their opinions on everything, and I think I’ve finally reached a point where its become obnoxious. There was a tweet that went viral last week that essentially said twitter doesn’t reflect real life, and I agree wholeheartedly. The “discourse” that happens on twitter may take inspiration from real life, but honestly, that is where it ends. So much of what people “discuss’ are regurgitated talking points brought up week after week, month after month. Its annoying.
When folks are not regurgitating tired talking points, they are mad about one thing or another and expect everyone else to be mad too. I don’t have the energy to be mad all the time. I have had to recalibrate my feed so much in the last year because I got tired of seeing the same shit day in and day out. I love Twitter, but good golly. Whatever you see trending or being talked about ad nauseum on Twitter may be hot on the site, but step out into the world for a second, and I assure you NOBODY is talking about that shit.
I will not deny how Twitter has allowed for us to express ourselves much like how Myspace did for me as a teen, but its now become a bit of an annoyance and I find myself needing to detach from the app for a bit. I’m not yet at the point where I want to delete the app entirely, but I am more cognizant of when I need to take a break.
I just celebrated 8 years with WordPress. As I said in my last post, I will be working on posting more often. I am starting to feel a shift in the way I view things. I believe I can better express my expanding thoughts here in my blog versus on Twitter where nuance simply doesn’t exist. Much of how I view the world was destined to change especially once I got out of my old environment. Change is inevitable and should be welcomed. There has been so much discourse regarding various topics, some of which I’ve probably talked about on here in the past and some of which I am currently still learning about. I look forward to discussing these topics on this platform. Keep an eye out for new posts. There will also be some music and tv reviews sprinkled in the midst as well.